MARRIAGE AND LOVE -- Part 2

As days passed by, he occupied her thoughts - the time when he did things out of his way for her, the greetings he sent on her birthday and the letters he wrote while he was away. She thought about the day when she wondered if he had a soft corner for her and reprimanding herself for doubting the intentions of a good friend. And she was drowned in such thoughts.
After a few weeks, it occurred to her that all these thoughts are futile.
'Why am I not able to get him out of my mind?'
She noticed a change in lot of things. Her appetite gradually decreased. All her work and weekend activities have come down to one activity - sitting and thinking and thinking - Thoughts all about him.
'If I went into a TAPAS right now, I am sure to get couple of boons from Lord Venkateshwar, and chances are even the Great God might appear looking like him'.
She runs mild fever. Between the endless thoughts and sleepless nights she gained black circles.
'I am not sixteen! I am married. What is happening to me? How could someone affect me so much? And why am I letting him do that to me?’

She was not effected this worse, when he rejected her. But the realization that he actually wanted her and she walked away was unbearable to her.
'Get a grip Lalli. Why are you so selfless? Think about yourself. What if he is putting up this drama, right before his marriage, just to see what you would do.'
"Look at that smile", she thought, "that very enchanting smile, those innocent eyes, he can never do such things. I know him."
'My foot, gone case, that’s what you are. He is a non-vegetarian, he is not even your caste, you are a year or so elder to him, he drinks, and of all things he has a problem communicating with himself, he is already engaged, for goodness sakes, wake up dear. Come back to reality'.
”I know I want to. But I don’t know how “

It was a Friday evening; her husband came home from work. They were having dinner and discussing about their day. She decided to share her thoughts with him, how much ever he could digest, so that her turmoil will reduce a bit. She said, "Kanti, there is something I want to talk to you about". They both went out on a ride after dinner and she started, "Kanti, when you met me at school, what was your first opinion? Did you think I was attractive? What did you like best in me?"
He smiled, winking his big eyes and said, "I don’t know. The first time I saw you at our orientation, I was happy that I found someone who talks my language. Later we became friends. I am usually not the type who could fantasize a friend, whom I meet often. Some times you would have your hair down, when you take head bath and I liked you the best then. Sometimes when you wore a fitting dress I always told you how good you looked. It is only after we have decided to get married, that my love life started". She asked him if there was anyone, whom he liked before , or had a crush on. He confessed "none, apart from some heroines!"
She then told him about this guy, and the gist of the conversation between them.

Kanti and Lalitha are more friends than a couple, an ideal husband-wife relationship. She told him frankly that this whole thing is disturbing her and she is not able to control some of her thoughts. She said, "When he said how badly he wanted her, I couldn't say anything. It looks like I am actually enjoying chatting with him. I also started to think what is the difference between enjoying his chat session and enjoying a nice story on the net, aren’t they same?”

"Lalitha, from what I know about you, things that are out of the norms of the society excite you. So, I am not surprised that you are enjoying his chat. But I don’t think it is very healthy to continue like this. What do you say?"
"I know. But I am yet to figure out how to stop this."
"If you want my suggestion Lalitha, give him some time, he will be all right. Don’t chat with him. Send him an email and copy that to me also, saying that you actually shared everything with me and you don’t want to talk/chat with him anymore. Whatever it is that you are going through right now, get it over with as soon as possible. How many days do you want to prolong this?"
She said, "OK, let me think over what you said and I will let you know what I feel about this. You understand that I am not talking about divorce or anything like that, right? If you ask me what you could do, please make me feel that I am the most important thing in your life right now, for a few days, for my sake, don’t make me lack anything from your side" she said.
He gave her, her favorite smile and told her, "I love you Lalitha, and you are THE most important in my life. Whatever it is, don’t restrain it, let it flow through your system, and you will be fine". This is when she decided that she should talk her thoughts out to someone.

That Monday morning when she went out for grocery shopping, he called. Kanti was at home and he answered the phone. After realizing who it was, both fell into an awkward silence filled with a variety of feelings and a lot was exchanged without a single word. When she came home and checked her email, she realized what happened, but Kanti was busy. He was working from home. She could not contain the curiosity and as night fell, she said "Kanti, do you have to tell me something, did I get any calls?" He replied, "Not anything that I remember of". "I checked the caller IDs just now, what happened when he called?" she asked. "Oh! Him, I did not know you guys talk over the phone too. I was shocked and I didn’t know what to say and he didn’t tell me anything either" he said.
"Kanti, he has my number as any of my friends have. There were times before when he called and you answered the phone and gave it to me. If you find anything unusual, please talk it out with me, I would greatly appreciate that. You hiding your feelings will only worsen the situation. I am sorry about all this. Give me sometime, leave me to myself until then, I promise, I will be back to normal."
"Lalitha, I have enough to deal with at my work, I have enough problems back in India. I am not looking for more at home also. Home is the only place I can be myself, only refuge I get from all my stresses. Don’t punish me by making me live with a wife who is lost in her own world. How long is it going to take for you to get this over with?
“If I knew that and had the power to manipulate it, do you think I would let all this happen? Kanti, I was thinking about your suggestion. I don’t have to hide behind your cc’ed email id to tell him that you know everything. I am not scared of him; I am scared of myself. Unfortunately, the problem is not him. It is me. Please understand me and cooperate, would you?"
--------------- to be continued in part3