MARRIAGE AND LOVE --part 4
'He proposed to her, she willingly gave herself. Those were the most loveliest moments of her life. She was all his only for a second and then, Kanti appeared, then her parents.
"What did Kanti do to deserve this?" She heard her parents say.
She woke up with a start, "Uh! that was a dream", and calmed herself down.
'How nice it is to belong to your beloved, Blessed are the couple who are in Love.
But who said that you don't belong to your beloved just because you are not with him?
To belong to someone do you really need to marry?
But then, if you did belong to him, why would you suffer the pangs of separation?
Then again, my parents were right, Kanti doesn't deserve this from his wife.
Why can't I be in love with him and still be Kanti's wife. I am not breaking any rules, am I?! All the marriage vows state that you should be together in happiness and sorrow. Kanti too vowed so. Is he with me with this one? Is this sorrow or is it happiness?
Why is Love so natural, so effortless, and so individualistic?
Marriage on the other hand, is becoming so man-made, so full of effort, a societal ceremony.
If I married him instead of Kanti, would that marriage still be so effortful?
Wouldn't there still be personality clashes, u-didn’t-understand-me cribs? When Love is so natural, why is love after marriage considered wrong? If it is so, why did it happen to me?'
'Kanti knew I was in love before our marriage and it didn't matter to him then. What will he say if he knew it is still there after the marriage.'
As she turned in her bed, she experienced this piercing pain in her heart, this was not a cringe, and this was a real pain. If anything was stopping her from taking herself serious and doing something about herself, this pain took all that away.
That evening when she was driving back home after picking Kanti up from work, she asked him, "Kanti, remember the first day of our marriage, you told me something. You said Lalitha, I am not hung up on the fact that my wife should be a virgin. I always wanted to ask, what did you mean by that?"
Kanti said, "Why did I say that? The fact that she wants me and me alone, after the marriage is enough for me. I believe that mental chastity is much more important than physical chastity."
"But Kanti, in that movie asthitva, she has this kid from that music teacher."
"Lalitha, I think she is justified, if the husband married for the sake of the society and went on with everyone else, ignoring his responsibility towards his wife, why shouldn't she go about her way?"
"But what if the husband is very mindful of his duties and still she did something like that?"
"If the situation comes in such a way that she could not do anything else but give way, then I think that is justified too. It is not her. It is the situation and it is the husband’s duty to see that wife is not in such situations."
"If I am not happy with this guy, I wont be happy with anyone in life."
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I have news for you. My marriage date is fixed.
IT IS, WOW.... Good for you.
I dont see anything good in it.
All my happiness is being taken away.
How do you know, you were never married before. For the first time in your life you are committing yourself to something. Celebration time!!!
Honestly, do you think it is a good decision?
What would I know? Decisions are made by ones own self. There is nothing right or wrong about any decision. It is up to that Individual to make it right or wrong. I don’t mean to lecture you, but I made a decision too. I want to come and see you.
Are you serious???….
You are constantly in my thoughts. May be, if I see you once, your thought might not be as disturbing as it is now. Like our first trip to India. Until then, we can't really bear the homesickness.
"I don't think we meeting is such a good idea, Lalitha"
"Why not?"
"Lets see from the start. First, you just wanted to catch up our past 5 years. Then, you went a little further and started giving me comfort, which I needed very much at that time. Then, after that, the whole time is passed in thoughts of each other. I don’t know where this is going. What makes you think that one meeting of ours would solve the whole issue? What, if one meeting leads to several others? And why are you so sure that nothing WILL happen when we meet? With the present tension that is going on between us , whatever that is, I am not sure if I can stay just talking to you when I see you. I want to see you too. But I don't want to even think about the consequences. The little solace that I have now, that you are leading a happy life will also end, if something happens. I cannot afford to take that risk. May be its just an infatuation. Think about it. Why do you want to take such a risk for an infatuation, which wears off soon."
"I don’t know if this is infatuation or love. All I want to do right now is to come and see you. This thought is eating me away. I am done with this disturbance and I want to finish with that. And so, as a solution, I want to come and see you.
"What? What do you mean by finishing it off? May be we are starting something new? And moreover you know what you are suggesting me, "f... and forget?" That's how it sounds!"
If I were you, I would do neither.
"What did Kanti do to deserve this?" She heard her parents say.
She woke up with a start, "Uh! that was a dream", and calmed herself down.
'How nice it is to belong to your beloved, Blessed are the couple who are in Love.
But who said that you don't belong to your beloved just because you are not with him?
To belong to someone do you really need to marry?
But then, if you did belong to him, why would you suffer the pangs of separation?
Then again, my parents were right, Kanti doesn't deserve this from his wife.
Why can't I be in love with him and still be Kanti's wife. I am not breaking any rules, am I?! All the marriage vows state that you should be together in happiness and sorrow. Kanti too vowed so. Is he with me with this one? Is this sorrow or is it happiness?
Why is Love so natural, so effortless, and so individualistic?
Marriage on the other hand, is becoming so man-made, so full of effort, a societal ceremony.
If I married him instead of Kanti, would that marriage still be so effortful?
Wouldn't there still be personality clashes, u-didn’t-understand-me cribs? When Love is so natural, why is love after marriage considered wrong? If it is so, why did it happen to me?'
'Kanti knew I was in love before our marriage and it didn't matter to him then. What will he say if he knew it is still there after the marriage.'
As she turned in her bed, she experienced this piercing pain in her heart, this was not a cringe, and this was a real pain. If anything was stopping her from taking herself serious and doing something about herself, this pain took all that away.
That evening when she was driving back home after picking Kanti up from work, she asked him, "Kanti, remember the first day of our marriage, you told me something. You said Lalitha, I am not hung up on the fact that my wife should be a virgin. I always wanted to ask, what did you mean by that?"
Kanti said, "Why did I say that? The fact that she wants me and me alone, after the marriage is enough for me. I believe that mental chastity is much more important than physical chastity."
"But Kanti, in that movie asthitva, she has this kid from that music teacher."
"Lalitha, I think she is justified, if the husband married for the sake of the society and went on with everyone else, ignoring his responsibility towards his wife, why shouldn't she go about her way?"
"But what if the husband is very mindful of his duties and still she did something like that?"
"If the situation comes in such a way that she could not do anything else but give way, then I think that is justified too. It is not her. It is the situation and it is the husband’s duty to see that wife is not in such situations."
"If I am not happy with this guy, I wont be happy with anyone in life."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I have news for you. My marriage date is fixed.
IT IS, WOW.... Good for you.
I dont see anything good in it.
All my happiness is being taken away.
How do you know, you were never married before. For the first time in your life you are committing yourself to something. Celebration time!!!
Honestly, do you think it is a good decision?
What would I know? Decisions are made by ones own self. There is nothing right or wrong about any decision. It is up to that Individual to make it right or wrong. I don’t mean to lecture you, but I made a decision too. I want to come and see you.
Are you serious???….
You are constantly in my thoughts. May be, if I see you once, your thought might not be as disturbing as it is now. Like our first trip to India. Until then, we can't really bear the homesickness.
"I don't think we meeting is such a good idea, Lalitha"
"Why not?"
"Lets see from the start. First, you just wanted to catch up our past 5 years. Then, you went a little further and started giving me comfort, which I needed very much at that time. Then, after that, the whole time is passed in thoughts of each other. I don’t know where this is going. What makes you think that one meeting of ours would solve the whole issue? What, if one meeting leads to several others? And why are you so sure that nothing WILL happen when we meet? With the present tension that is going on between us , whatever that is, I am not sure if I can stay just talking to you when I see you. I want to see you too. But I don't want to even think about the consequences. The little solace that I have now, that you are leading a happy life will also end, if something happens. I cannot afford to take that risk. May be its just an infatuation. Think about it. Why do you want to take such a risk for an infatuation, which wears off soon."
"I don’t know if this is infatuation or love. All I want to do right now is to come and see you. This thought is eating me away. I am done with this disturbance and I want to finish with that. And so, as a solution, I want to come and see you.
"What? What do you mean by finishing it off? May be we are starting something new? And moreover you know what you are suggesting me, "f... and forget?" That's how it sounds!"
If I were you, I would do neither.
posted by usha at 10:05 PM
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